Monthly Archives: November 2010

They are really saying “I love you”

One of my best friend of over 10 years stopped by for a visit. He stopped by with his wife and brother. I had not seen him for the past 7 years. It is difficult to describe, or to be more precise, I don’t want to describe in words how immense the moment felt. It might simplify the moment to just words. We have been in touch over the years..through phone, email, sent photos to each other. There has always been something missing. Neither of us attended each others wedding. Mine was too sudden,  I believe a bit of a shock to his system and more importantly in the middle of his semester. His wedding, well, I always knew it was coming..I couldn’t attend it on account of being on a different continent, and honestly it was too overwhelming. There were so many, way too many things that were left unsaid when we met for the last time as single folks, the dew of college still fresh on out faces, before the sun of life could lift it all up. There are times when I wish we had been more open, more honest, neither of us had the will or the desire, I guess. I still remember the scene so vividly..My parents and I had invited him to dinner after my engagement. After dinner, we left him at his hotel near the station..the journey there filled with a bit of an uncomfortable silence..we dropped him, said our goodbyes, and drove, I turned back to see him standing there, alone in the side of rode, waving back..very cinematic, I know, but I can never forget the expression on his face at that time. After such an exit, ti was difficult to assess how life would greet us..how we would bridge those seven years.

I went to pick him up from the station. I couldn’t get there fast enough and I was so antsy, I couldn’t sit in the car and wait. There was such a rush of excitement, anxiety, and emotions unknown when I saw him through the door of the station..and then when the door opened..he ran, embarrassed, excused himself and kept running to the restroom :D..It was a magical moment LOL!!

I had fun with all of them. The move has been weighing down so heavily on me emotionally, their coming was like Hercules offering to lift off the burden. It was just a night, but just seeing him with his family was good. It offered me a fresh page on which to write the relationship on. It gave me a cleaner, fresher surface on which I can chart the next many years. Fittingly..the ukelele version of “Somewhere over the rainbow” played over the radio when I went to drop them off. There was a whole circle being closed off and a new one beginning, and I couldn’t have asked for a better theme song for this half of my life.

I was washing dishes, the gentle snore of my son over the monitor, the afternoon suns peeking through the grills of a soft, shimmery cloud, casting its gentle rays on the dining table, a wind ticking the nakedness of stripped away trees, the soap suds creating transient and transparent bubbles..spilling over themselves bursting into a riot of colors only to reform again, the song playing on a loop, life seemed to want to assure me that things will be good.


The Memory Keeper.

It has been a really difficult week..emotionally. The moving, the idea of moving, the act of moving, you get the general idea. It has been so difficult for me to keep it together at times. There is so much of resistance within me sometimes to moving. I constantly feel as if I will be losing some chance to make these amazing memories here, in my house, in this place. We had people come over and look over the place. They have kids. It makes me feel good sometimes. I am happy that the house is not going to be occupied by this really busy professional couple who stay in the house only to do laundry and own a garage. I am happy that there are going to be kids rolling over one another, squealing with laughter, tripping over the stairs to their rooms and making themselves dizzy and silly in the basement by going round and round. The house will not miss us that much.

I was brooding over all of this a couple of days back and aimlessly browsing, when this came in my mail:

Greetings from your past. In the fall of 2005, you agreed to receive this
message, which has been preserved in the Forbes.com E-Mail Time Capsule.

Here is the text of your message:

Date is 11/11.Time 11.11. Coincidence!! Probably. I like coincidences. The Boy is downstairs working and I am here now. The tree with red leaves outside my window is shedding and the sun is casting a warm shadow on the land. There is a normal silence at home here. I am still contemplating about my future studies. Ironic I would think. Here I am sitting and thinking if I should study history and making a time capsule for the future. Just want me to know that there will always be problems and if we just stop to think there will be solutions too.
I am currently reading “Sisterhood of the traveling pants” Nice book I would say. Love listening to Kishore Kumar songs, Haagen daz Ice creams, my very pretty scheduler and love my poetry books.
Carpe Diem and Remember to Boogie…

I was so down, that a sneeze would make make me cry, I was physically feeling miserable, small and sad..and yet there was this rush of air when I read this. It made me stop, it made me think, it made me assess. Five years have passed by so fast. I distinctly remember sitting down at my desk and writing this. My life has moved forward so much, changed in so many way big and small, maybe this was a way of saying that this move will bring something better out of me. I don’t know. At this point, I will take anything positive thrown at me. I am so glad I wrote this. I really did love the heavy signs that the timing of the message and the message itself sent. I am so loving the coincidences, the irony and the happenstance that life is giving me right now. I can go to sleep smiling.


Moving back home.

So the plan is to make the move early next year. We are moving back to India. I think this is the first time that I have said that to myself. It is different when you are talking about it to friends..it seemed more superficial. It was like something that hovered around me, and yet now it descends to envelop me in the idea, to give me feelings and thoughts and ideas and dimensions to my imagination. It hasn’t been that long since I moved here, atleast I think so..not sure how long a decade is these days. The students in my classes are roughly a decade younger and yet make me feel like I am 60, so yeah, no idea. Anyway, I feel confident it will turn out to be all hunky and dory, given that I am going to be closer to my parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents..the boy is petrified. I keep reading Artful Dodgers’ posts about the city she lived in to get myself all whoohoo about the place, and it seems to be working. Actually to be honest, the whole lot of Ma Bloggers from India, help.. Maybe I will throw them all a huge party when I get there. It will keep me excited about the 50 things that still need a box.


Do nothing..

Sometimes the best thing to do when there is a one year old clawing at your feet, whining and being cranky..is to go and sit with him, and let him run circles around you, climb all over and treat you like his personal gym and then collapse in a fit of giggles onto your lap and lick your face in delight. The best moments in life come when you do nothing at all.


Being a part of Democracy.

For a Political science Student and a life long student of politics itself, it has taken me one score years and some and a few more to cast my first vote in a country that I chose to adopt as my own. It feels powerful, but strange..strange because here I am thousands of miles away, casting a vote to effect change for a group of people whose destiny is not tied to my own, whose lives are not similar to mine, whose past and history is not mine to share, and yet here I am being given the power to create a government that might change the very course of their future and now suddenly mine..


November Winds

The November Winds are shaking the comfortable leaves off the trees, asking them to keep moving or find themselves become a part of the muck beneath them. They offer to toss and turn and keep them moving as long as are willing. Colored by the vanishing daylight, carrying their brilliant hues in the deep recess of their veins, they come together and whisper secrets to each other. They call out to one another, plan their long sleep. They will let the Winds of November carry them, maybe near, maybe far..but they will go for only by leaving, can they rest assured that they will come again.