It has been an eventful 2009. As much as I enjoy looking back and reminiscing about things that walked in the opposite direction, I don’t feel the need to do that this year. In some ways I had been looking forward to sprinting through 2009 the moment it started. It was part anticipation, part curiosity, part restlessness and for the most part the need for movement….The implet arrived midway, and thinking back that was the only huge event that happened. It is life changing, but emotionally, that hasn’t really stuck home yet. I mean, people ask me..”You are a mother, how do you feel”. That answer till date is” Not much different.” I mean I realize the life changing part of it, but I still am on the outside looking in emotion wise. I love the implet to bits and am growing into my role everyday, but I am still in many ways not comfortable with the one-dimensional person I am expected to be. I mean my brain hasn’t gone mush or I haven’t lost everything I have gained in the past just because I am a mother. I hate the fact that people think they can talk to me only about the implet or things implet related. It confounds me, confuses me, challenges me. It makes me look at myself and question everything I know about me. I see a person who I think is me, and yet fail to make people see it. Maybe I am just trying too hard, maybe I should just let people and their beliefs be.I have plenty of New year resolutions. Unlike other years, I am making new year resolutions and sticking to them.
For now though, I am peace. I am home where Mom and Dad still love each other, where my brother and I still squabble over the last piece of paneer and where we both sing lullabies to our youngest brother while he runs around the house trying to escape…..the hearth is warm, so is my heart. New Year arrives with warm promises. HAPPY NEW YEAR!