I have always found archaeology to be a fascinating subject. It requires imagination and an ability to suspend reality as we know it and recreate an alternative universe elsewhere where these people, animals, houses existed. It requires courage to be able to dig up a tooth and wonder if it was a baby tooth or a teenager who pulled it out or the teeth of an old man who lost it when chewing on that piece of fish. It requires creating these relationships and giving them a place and a time to exist in.
I have always found archeology to be a fascinating subject and wondered how it would be to be one, until I realized I had a bit of archaeologist in me. I have spent all my life as I know it trying to recreate friendships and relationships that I have lost. Given that my family moved quite a bit, I have become adept at feeling comfortable with change. I realize now how desperately I keep hanging on to certain relationships to counter the physical change. I have a few friends, a couple of really close ones who will pick up the phone whenever I call and yet I have spent my time trying to hold on to vestiges of friendships I had when I was a kid. I don’t blame my parents for moving…I would never do that and yet when I think of the relationships that could have been, it makes me want to turn back time.
I was quite young then, I had spent 7 years of my life in one school, developing friends in a way only a 8 – 10 year old can. I never realized how much I miss those people, until a decade later when I went back. In my mind, nothing had changed, everything remained still until I came back and restarted my life as I imagined it to be and yet it never did. I thought if I behaved like nothing changed, then maybe things would take the shape of my reality and yet it never really did. When a relationship didn’t work as I thought it would, I just manage to create a universe where it does. I do not know, which hurts most – my creation of a reality and seeing how pathetic I can sometimes be, or the actual reality which just plain hurts.
It might seem quite silly, even sad. Sometimes I tell myself to grow up and get over it. But you know, I am not sure I can. There are something in life which will always keep haunting us. Certain moments, certain events and certain people will keep coming up again and again. There are very few things I regret. I am not someone who keeps looking back and regretting decisions I have made. But this, I do. It wasn’t borne out a decision I made and yet I feel responsible.
I have always wondered if an archaeologist saw himand said, “Damn! We would have been amazing together” You know, when you see people and immediately know you would be the best of friends for ages to come, if only you had the guts to know each other more…
I have a couple of amazing friends, and I wouldn’t exchange them for anything in the world. This is not a sob story, it is just me imagining myself to be an archaeologist.