Songs like these were the best part of my childhood. The funny part about talking about my mother is that I always visualize her singing. The funnier part is I can never visualize her alone, it is always with my uncle, her twin brother. They used to sing together a lot. He used to sing to put us to sleep. Beautiful songs like Abhi Na jao, Songs from Abhiman, Kishore songs, Burman, Mukesh, Rafi…he had the deep voice I loved. She had a strong voice that blended beautifully with his. After being trained together for so long, I assumed it was something that came naturally for them. When the family used to get together, it invariable ended with them singing again and again and some more.
I wanted to write about all things mother, I just realized how impossible it is. The memories I have of her are always interconnected with either my father or my uncle. There is a line of separation that is so thin I can’t see it. It is not that she was not a individual in her own right, it is just that our happiest moments were always when we were together. I know that she always sang with more passion and happiness when she sang with my uncle. There was a warmth in their voices that silenced everyone else. there was a special magical quality that made listening this intense actvity. There was a passion that left everyone even my off key dad humming to himself. I guess that is why I always associate my memories with songs. Images of my mother singing in marriages, in the kitchen, running to turn the radio a little loud when her favorite song came and accepting requests always the same one from my father and from me whenever people asked her to sing. With so many songs, i usually end up assigning songs to the emotions I am going through. I am my father’s daughter and I am damn proud to be one. i just wish I had my mother’s voice and talent though. I am sure, however that if not for my mother and the warm and happy home that she gave us, I wouldn’t have had the ability to find myself, figure out who I was and discover that I was my father’s daughter after all.
I guess in a lot of ways it was her passion, dedication and plain determination that saw us through a lot of hard times. She has a quite determination and no nonsense about her that I admire a lot. I have complained a lot that she prefers my brother to me..the usual fight I guess, but somewhere in the 20 years that I was at home, she gave me a lot of things that carries me through times hard and happy. I would like to think I have her determination, her simplicity, her stubbornness to not let a situation get better of her and more importantly to always see the bright side of things, never regret anything and never forget to sing and appreciate the music in life.
For everything that we have been through, For every event that life has thrown at us, For every smile and every tear, for every music and every song that I hear, here’s hoping that there will be many more to come and many more songs to remember.
You are the best amma.