The thing that I miss about school/college is having secret crushes. Sounds silly, but the thrill of having this deep dark secret, the thrill that no one knows about it except you and in the comforts of your mind there are a million thoughts swirling around that no one has the slightest clue about is amazingly good. Suddenly you have a reason to go to study and focus sincerely in class, so you can prove that you are intelligent, tell wicked jokes to make sure you are noticed as funny and help your friend solve that pesky sum and show how compassionate you are. Notice how I didn’t mention pretty, because in that cocoon there is no one prettier than you and no person more handsome than your secret crush. It feels good to have a sly smile on your face while talking to that person who has no clue. It sends shivers up your spine when that person laughs at your jokes and it is absolute heaven to know things about them that no one else knows about.
It does eat you up though. There is this irrepressible feeling to spill the beans, unimaginably painful feeling of seeing him drool at other girls. You feel like slapping him silly. There is the nervousness of maintaining your calm lest anyone finds out. Every moment you feel like standing on your tippy toes and yell out to the world, you have to step harder on your heel and walk away. In the comforts of the cocoon where your thoughts are buried, where they gain the courage to become a butterfly and go out of control. Till then you know you have the thoughts only to yourself and take comfort in holding it as long as possible. Till the butterfly comes out, you have an unbelievable silly smile pasted on your face, because your mind realized and processed a signal your heart had sent weeks earlier about the first instant you met him. you close your eyes and you know the way he walks, the way he talks, the way he smiles, the way he swears, the way he clenches his fist and shakes his head and the way his eyes glaze over when he talks about his dream girl. Secret crushes makes you realize at some point later in life that….