The hardest thing to comprehend in any relationship is the point when total strangers cease to be that and start having an effect on our lives. The first time you meet a potential friend there is this moment when you stop assess them from top to bottom, figure out what their intentions are and then wonder if they might be a competition to something that you own or might own. You are guarded and cautious. You take the first step and go out or talk, mentally wondering if this would work out. You want to sense a chemistry and look for it. You want to see something common.You are also careful in how you put yourself out there. Restrained yet no stand-offish, jovial yet not all over. I often compare making friends to reading a book. You see a book sitting on the shelf. The cover and the title looks tantalizing, but you don’t want to be fooled. You pick it up, turn it around examining it, reading the synopsis at the back and then looking at the front page. the price seems reasonable, you buy it. You still haven’t decided if you like it or not, you are just giving it a chance. You then find a comfortable spot and start reading. A good book, like a good friend can be addictive, interesting, can never bore you to death and will always be around when you want something to keep you occupied.
The strangest part of technology is this whole scanning process is pared down to almost nothing. We meet a person online, a total stranger who we cannot see and yet we open up in the relative comfort of our chair we reveal our likes, dislikes and the in betweens. We never realise the impact they have on our lives either. I follow a couple of blogs regularly. Very normal people, with the very normal stories like you and I might have. They make themselves interesting with their take on lives. Some of their posts are uncannily similar to my own experiences. I scream been there done that almost twice a week. I feel all cheerful when someone gets married, is pregnant or just graduated. Sometimes they go of the radar for days together and then I fret, I wonder why, and wonder when. I twiddle my thumbs and get irritated because I don’t know what is going on. I have been thinking when these total strangers started having so much effect on my life and haven’t been able to figure it out. I do sometimes get a very uncomfortable feeling that I have too much time on my hands.
The thing that bugs me the most about days heralding the approach of winter, is the fact that I have to no matter what, drag myself out of bed early and study. It is especially hard when the climate is best suited for a hot cup of tea and a real good book, while warming my tootsies inside a huge warm quilt. Today is such a day and I have to submit my work by the weekend. I read a quote by someone wise the other day ” It is work only when you have something else to do”. Seems applicable. I am happy reading the books that I need to work on. I am just not happy writing about them. Anyway fretting and sighing aside I have to do work and yeah I do have plenty of better things in mind that I could be doing.
I am a highly tempermental and passionate person. That is a nice way of saying that I have an explosive temper. I get ticked off when people do or say stupid things. I get visibly upset at times when things don’t seem to be going the way it is. and knowing my very volatile way of expressing my dissapointment I usually just shut-up, remove myself from the scene and perhaps come back to it after a few minutes when I am a little more calm and whn I have kicked myself for getting upset with such a stupid thing. But then there is a small hitch in the goings here. I live with a person who belives in dealing with things immediately, in talking out things and diffusing the situation asap. So when the talking is going on, I am in no mood to listen, and when I am in the frameset to talk the talker has already moved on. So how do you resolve conflicts in a place like this? How do you generally solve arguments and sort out fights. I like having my voice heard and making my stands, but what is that leads to never ending rounds of arguments. Is it okay to change yourself when you realise something that you do or say irrtates your partner to no extent. Compromise is a key word in marriage, but what to do when you are not able to compromise on something. What do you do when you an argument flares up or when that shirt on the bathroom floor has got to your nerves? I just make resolutions to take one day at a time and take each situation as a new one. It works so far, but someday I will have to make new ones..
All said and done I do have to confess that I absolutely love making up after a fight……
Ever wonder how the more you wash those dishes, the more gets piled up in the sink. It starts with one pesky little spoon or fork, that I was lazy to wash, and the next thing I know WHOA!! I did not cook so much, how did the sink get filled up!!??!! The funny thing about this whole cycle is the fact that I actually enjoy washing dishes. It helps me become calm and gives me time to contemplate, about things like life. Ever realise how similar life is to dirty dishes. I mean here you are solving problems, you solve them one by one slowly giving attention to each and every nook, rinsing it and re-rinsing it to make sure there is not soap scum, and then voila you have an empty sink and voila someone throws in that pesky spoon in again. I guess if we tackled each and every problem if and when they happened rather that leave it to stink and deal with them when they are looming in front of your eyes, life would be so much better, but then not everyone has that much foresight. It takes a great deal of will power and perseverance to deal with tough to remove spots. It does for me. Sometimes I am running from one place to next, that I don’t pause till the load become too unsightly to see or carry, or some other times I am just plain lazy. An incredibly warm couch and a real nice nystery thriller on TV is too tempting to ignore to take care of the mundane life. I berate myself everytime the sink or my life fills up and then fall back into old habits. As they say old habits die hard or should I say are highly resistant to “Dawn Foam” action. Atleast with die hard habits you can blame God for making you that way, but stubborn problems for which you think you have the perfect solution are not so. You have to scrape like your life depended on it…you curse it, rub it , pray over it and cry over it till one fine moment it is all gone…YEY!! all your hard work has paid off after all.
Life is funny; We can never stop taking our life and making something out of it and we always end up with the problems that come from it. It is perhaps a testimony to the untiring soul within us which forever seems ready to deal with grease and gunk because they think of life getting a little better afterwards or the life long adventurer in us who always seeks new piles of problems to clean up just to feel that surge of adrenalin that comes with conquered jobs. I think of myself as an adventurer… which one are you?